It is important to remind myself occasionally that I am capable. I am capable.
I have proven it to myself time and time again. However having something proven doesn't mean it becomes a belief. (That takes conscious action to dismantle any beliefs that stand in the way, and replace with what I choose. No small task, but one worth undertaking.)
Although I have proven to myself time and time again that I am capable I still doubt. I doubt when I am anywhere but in the now. I doubt when I am focused on the future – will anyone want to read this? And I doubt when I am living in the past – that post I wrote about such-n-such wasn't received very well.
It is when I am in the now that I flow freely.
This is how it often goes: I have an article, newsletter, something to write. I have adequate time to write it. I am regularly exploring what it's going to be about. I sit down to write, and if I'm not present, I'm struck with angst, and I stop. This goes on until I'm down to the wire. That do or die moment.
Ever been there? Yeah, silly question.
Early in the process I start saying things like “You need to be writing.” “You need to be doing this or that." "You're not doing this or that!”
The closer I get to the scheduled time to release my work the louder and more persistent the criticism gets. It goes from fussing at myself for not doing to saying I can't do it. At least not the way I really want.
When I listen to the critical voice it gets stronger, more brutal, less forgiving. Perpetuating the loop of not doing and not being in the flow.
On one particular occasion it came down to the day before the work was due. It was 7:30 in the evening and I still hadn't set about writing. I had thought about it all day. I gathered my notes and listened to recordings I had made of possible approaches to the task at hand. But I wasn't writing.
So at 7:30 I opened a blank document and started writing. By 9:30 I had completed the piece. In that 2 hour time frame I composed, illustrated, edited and sent it out. And not once during the 2 hours did I say “I can't do this” or “is this right?” Because I chose to be in the moment. The Now.
This story shows another pattern of mine: Last Minute Productions. There is an adrenaline that comes with the pressure of an impending deadline.
We all have multiple patterns at play. Some work for us and some don't. In this case neither my critical voice nor procrastinating serve me well.
Can you relate? Do you have patterns that hold you back?
Identifying and exploring our patterns, and asking "Do they serve", is a clarifying exercise. It might be a pattern you keep because you say "this is my pattern and it works for me, because this is the pattern under which I get it done".
It still might be a good idea to explore those patterns with an eye to being supportive of YOU. Being conscious about our patterns we ask, “Even if the pattern serves, could another pattern serve better?”
The first place I look to see if a pattern serves is with myself. Not "Will I reach more people, will they like me more?" Not "Will I make more money?" None of those.
The first question I ask is “Will it serve me personally? Will it support my life, my health, my relationships? Will it make me a happier, more joyous, more contented being?” First and foremost those are the questions.
Many of us have been taught those are self-centered questions. I call it self-Care. If we believe we have an answer to How do we change the world? then isn't it incumbent upon us to apply those things to our own lives? Put on your oxygen mask first.
Whether your stumbling blocks are self-inflicted, or habit, or a result of your environment, having an understanding, supportive connection with another person can help you get where you want to go.
For me, accountability really helps me step up to the task. Knowing someone is cheering me on and holding me to my intentions inspires follow through.
If that is you, too, then perhaps having someone to hold you accountable will enable you to step into your flow. I would be honored to assist you in fully embracing the idea that you are capable of whatever impulse you hear your heart calling.
I have assisted others in becoming their full expression. They get to design and live the life they choose. If you are ready to have the support you deserve I encourage you to sign up for a complimentary exploration of what is emergent in you. There is no time like Now. Click here to schedule. Let's explore together.
And remember to: